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: Fw: Stuff thats Funny

If only lovin native fish was a job..:)

>>Have Fun in the Workplace
>>1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
>>2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
>>Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if
>>your boss is of a different gender than you.
>>3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
>>these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm
>>going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.
>>4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what
>>you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the
>>5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since
>>you did this.
>>6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid.
>>Call everyone Madge.
>>7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get
>>coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole
>>8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people
>>you're waiting for your document.
>>9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if
>>they want fries with that.
>>10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an
>>intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to
>>settle the disagreement.
>>11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
>>12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN".
>>13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
>>14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake
>>in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they
>>found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be
>>faster than that.
>>15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has
>>withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
>>Windows 98 Recall
>>It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Redneck edition
>>of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside the South
>>you have one of the Redneck editions you may need some help
>>understanding the commands.  The Redneck edtion may be recognized by
>>looking at the opening screen.  It reads WINDERS 98 with a background
>>picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.  It is
>>with a Daisy Duke screen saver.  Also note:
>>The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
>>My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
>>Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
>>Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
>>Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
>>Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
>>And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a
>>bag and duct tape.
>>Other features:
>>OK = ats aww-right
>>cancel = hail no
>>reset = awa shoot
>>yes D shore
>>no = naaaaa
>>find = hunt-fer it
>>go to = over yonder
>>help = hep me out here
>>stop = ternit off
>>start = crank it up
>>settings = sittins
>>programs = stuff at does stuff
>>documents = stuff I done done
>>Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or
>>Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 98:
>>tiperiter = a word processor
>>colering book = a graphics program
>>addin mershene = calculator
>>scratch paper = notepad
>>jupe-box = CD player
>>inner-net = microsoft explorer
>>pichers = a graphics viewer
>>IRS = M/S accounting software
>>IRS2 = M/S accounting sofware with hidden files
>>coon dog = American Kennel Club records
>>fishin = Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
>>NRA = National Rifle Association
>>shot gun = Remington arms price list
>>riffel = Winchester price list
>>pisstel = Smith and Wesson price list
>>truck = Ford and Chevrolet dealers in Kentucky by zip code
>>house = nearest mobile home repair service by zip code
>>car = same as truck
>>cuzzins = family history (usuall a 3 meg file)
>>tax records = usually an empty file
>>shells ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
>>bud = list of Budweiser sellers by zip code
>>racin = NASCAR racing schedule includes a list of tv stations that
carry the races
 car n truck parts = nearest junk yard by zip code
>>doc = vetrinarians by zip code
>>We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of
the Redneck edition.  You may return it to Micrsosoft for a replacement

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