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The Plant Bomb

Well just got back from a recombinant genetics plant lecture/slide show.
The have a new strain of "hell weed" the Department of Defense has been
calling it's Plant Bomb in the upper echelons of generaldum in the
phytoattack unit in the Plantagon (The large leaf shape federal building).
It seems they have been able to induce nerdy scientist to take specific
parts of DNA from Kudzu, Poison oak, Hemlock, blackbrush algae, Sargassum,
Duckweed, Stinging Nettle, a few toxic Dinoflagellates and the Tumble weed
which is actually native to the steppes of Central Asia, not the desert
southwest like Hollyweird Western movies might have you believe, and fuse
them into a single plant. Some DNA transfers did not go as planned.
    The fast growth of the Kudzu's tendrals are actually known to have
killed four people in AL while they slept last year. Blackbrush algae easily
attaches the brow and quickly engulf the victims sight, hearing and sense of
taste. Blinking black bush syndrome or Hairy black tongue syndrome. Deadly
poison oak dust can be whipped up by the wind and inhaled much like mustard
gas but with far more itching in all the wrong places. The duckweed you just
can't get rid of etc and the Stinging Nettle keeps stinging till the
duckweed is removed much like when one steps on a yellow jacket's nest. Add
the dispersion of the Tumble weed and it's ability to survive in the desert
and it is a self propagating lethal "hell weed" as one USA general commented
on it. The hemlock gene seems to add a lethal fume when burned that has kill
at least man's logic before, but he was Greek. The Sargassum possesses a
hydrogen concentrating gas "bomb" inside their pnuematiphores. These have
had their growth regulator removed and become very large. Again, when burnt
these have rather explosive result. Dinoflagelletes have a nasty spike they
use when parasitizing fish that they impale into the sides of fish causing
great pain. The DNA was irradiated and caused to mutate yield a large size
calcium carbonate spike about 12 inches long that could bring down a full
grown elk. They have had a lot of trouble incorporating this part of DNA
into the seedlings. It seems if they fire harpoons from the Algal Ball O'
Death prematurely there are of no use but they do grow back, just slowly. A
couple of lab technicians got too close when harvesting some smaller culture
samples and got half crucified in the process. They showed some slides of
the chief scientist with a pair of channel lock pliers taking care of the
Lecture became more a side show of craters and dead lab rats and cattle in
the testing site. Said one general, "We need to put this to the real field
test, lab animal just aren't the same when they blow or of spit their lungs
out into pieces." As luck would it, another general more privy to the
political aspects of the military, whispered, "We have already taken this
into account sir, I'll debrief you shortly".
But scared that it might be used as a Bio-terror weapon on the USA's golf
courses, the generals appear to be giving the project it's final death blow,
War without a game of golf in between battles? It just wouldn't not be the
same. The potential for it running rampant on America's golf havens is far
to great to use such a weapon of Golf destruction. Well, I must admit the
real slide show was rather a bore, I just had to invent one.

Tom Barr