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Dilbert Managers

>>A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were
>>looking for people to submit quotes from their real life
>>Dilbert-type managers.
>>Here are some of the submittals. . .
>> 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
>>     building using individual security cards. Pictures will be
>>     taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards
>>     in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Charles
>>     Hurst at Sun Microsystems)
>> 2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
>>     encounter."
>> 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
>>     should be used only for company business."
>> 4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are
>>     more important interfere with it."
>> 5. "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
>> 6. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is
>>     not going to discuss it with the employees."
>> 7. SCENARIO: My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled
>>    for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I
>>    would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He
>>    then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,
>>    "That would be better for me."
>> 8. We recently received a memo from senior management saying:
>>    "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today
>>    regarding the subject mentioned above."
>> 9. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
>>    concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow
>>    would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would
>>    have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
>> 10. As director of communications for a medium-sized company, I
>>     was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training
>>     programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the
>>     sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one
>>     of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to
>>     the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's
>>     office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me
>>     out of the building by lunch.  When I asked why, I was
>>     told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophilia?)
>>     working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the
>>     memo, with her demand that I be fired-and the word
>>     "pedagogical" circled in red., The HR manager was fairly
>>     reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary,
>>     and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me
>>     not to worry. He would take care of it.  Two days later a
>>     memo to the entire staff came out- directing us that no
>>     words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper
>>     could be used in company memos. A month later I resigned.
>>     In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation
>>     memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.
>> 11. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated
>>     memo from a large communications company: "(Company name) is
>>     endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on
>>     current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis
>>     on innovative ways to better, if not supersede, the expectations
>>     of quality!"
>> 12. "If you have any suggestions as to how things could be done
>>      better, write it down on a piece of paper and file it until
>>      I retire." B. Henson
>> 13. In reference to new products... "It's time we stopped letting
>>     distributors dictate what we should make."  Anonymous Plant
>>     Manager

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