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>>A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were
>>looking for people to submit quotes from their real life
>>Here are some of the submittals. . .
>> 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
>> building using individual security cards. Pictures will be
>> taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards
>> in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Charles
>> Hurst at Sun Microsystems)
>> 2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
>> 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
>> should be used only for company business."
>> 4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are
>> more important interfere with it."
>> 5. "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
>> 6. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is
>> not going to discuss it with the employees."
>> 7. SCENARIO: My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled
>> for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I
>> would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He
>> then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,
>> "That would be better for me."
>> 8. We recently received a memo from senior management saying:
>> "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today
>> regarding the subject mentioned above."
>> 9. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
>> concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow
>> would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would
>> have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
>> 10. As director of communications for a medium-sized company, I
>> was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training
>> programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the
>> sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one
>> of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to
>> the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's
>> office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me
>> out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was
>> told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophilia?)
>> working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the
>> memo, with her demand that I be fired-and the word
>> "pedagogical" circled in red., The HR manager was fairly
>> reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary,
>> and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me
>> not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a
>> memo to the entire staff came out- directing us that no
>> words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper
>> could be used in company memos. A month later I resigned.
>> In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation
>> memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.
>> 11. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated
>> memo from a large communications company: "(Company name) is
>> endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on
>> current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis
>> on innovative ways to better, if not supersede, the expectations
>> of quality!"
>> 12. "If you have any suggestions as to how things could be done
>> better, write it down on a piece of paper and file it until
>> I retire." B. Henson
>> 13. In reference to new products... "It's time we stopped letting
>> distributors dictate what we should make." Anonymous Plant
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